My List
Posted: March 19, 2017 Filed under: Prose & Junk Leave a commentOkay, I’m doing one of these too! Was really hard to decide but here’s my list:
1989: Unborn lol
1990: Birth
1991: My mother singing songs to lull me to sleep
1992: Birthday party with my whole family
1993: Climbing trees and picking apples
1994: Puppet show from my mom
1995: Sledding in the winter
1996: First day of school
1997: Recognizing the slow descent into isolation
1998: Kickball
1999: Cutting off my pinky toe and wearing it around my neck as a warning to Allen Malakoff not to fuck with me in homeroom
2000: Melting the nurse’s flip-flops into rubber puddy, molding it into a statue of the boy I share a room with in the psych ward so he’ll love me
2001: Helped do 9/11 jk lol not really sure tbh
2002: Finally coming home from the psych ward to find that my parents have turned my room into a scrapbooking station and I am to sleep in the attic now
2003: Chopping off my mother’s ponytail in her sleep, waving it around like a tomahawk as she chases me scream-sobbing, eating it so that she’ll know that I am the cosmic Apache chief of this realm and my first act of martial law is to ban all superfluous body-attachments
2004: Welcome to Mooseport
2005: They won’t let me have a lighter so I smoke invisible cigarettes whenever I’m allowed in the courtyard
2006: Can’t remember, I was put on a daily thorazine drip
2007: Arts n’ crafts
2008: On a field trip to an ice cream parlor I barked at a family
2009: Memory gets increasingly nebulous as they add lithium and horse tranquilizers to my dosage
2010: arttss nd carftss
2011: it’s hot in my grassplains, please almighty Oprizium, my lord and butcher, deliver me from the undulating climate and these perilous sessions with the evil Dr. Rosen, he’s trying to steal my bread
2012: Created the Mayan calendar for gits and shiggles
2013: Found a shovel and named it Daniel
2014: Daniel betrayed me, I threw him at an orderly and hid under my mattress for three weeks
2015: Began writing letters to prisoners pretending to be a playboy model named Destiny, finding out their social security numbers, blackmailing them for information about the warden of light and color
2016: Got a sub-prime auto loan
2017: They released me from the ward due to good behavior and significant faked progress in therapy, planning a coup on the concept of time, writing lists to show my friends a little glimpse into my interests and hobbies
lol i’m just like you 🙂