My List

Okay, I’m doing one of these too! Was really hard to decide but here’s my list:

1989: Unborn lol

1990: Birth

1991: My mother singing songs to lull me to sleep

1992: Birthday party with my whole family

1993: Climbing trees and picking apples

1994: Puppet show from my mom

1995: Sledding in the winter

1996: First day of school

1997: Recognizing the slow descent into isolation

1998: Kickball

1999: Cutting off my pinky toe and wearing it around my neck as a warning to Allen Malakoff not to fuck with me in homeroom

2000: Melting the nurse’s flip-flops into rubber puddy, molding it into a statue of the boy I share a room with in the psych ward so he’ll love me

2001: Helped do 9/11 jk lol not really sure tbh

2002: Finally coming home from the psych ward to find that my parents have turned my room into a scrapbooking station and I am to sleep in the attic now

2003: Chopping off my mother’s ponytail in her sleep, waving it around like a tomahawk as she chases me scream-sobbing, eating it so that she’ll know that I am the cosmic Apache chief of this realm and my first act of martial law is to ban all superfluous body-attachments

2004: Welcome to Mooseport

2005: They won’t let me have a lighter so I smoke invisible cigarettes whenever I’m allowed in the courtyard

2006: Can’t remember, I was put on a daily thorazine drip

2007: Arts n’ crafts

2008: On a field trip to an ice cream parlor I barked at a family

2009: Memory gets increasingly nebulous as they add lithium and horse tranquilizers to my dosage

2010: arttss nd carftss

2011: it’s hot in my grassplains, please almighty Oprizium, my lord and butcher, deliver me from the undulating climate and these perilous sessions with the evil Dr. Rosen, he’s trying to steal my bread

2012: Created the Mayan calendar for gits and shiggles

2013: Found a shovel and named it Daniel

2014: Daniel betrayed me, I threw him at an orderly and hid under my mattress for three weeks

2015: Began writing letters to prisoners pretending to be a playboy model named Destiny, finding out their social security numbers, blackmailing them for information about the warden of light and color

2016: Got a sub-prime auto loan

2017: They released me from the ward due to good behavior and significant faked progress in therapy, planning a coup on the concept of time, writing lists to show my friends a little glimpse into my interests and hobbies

lol i’m just like you 🙂