New Poems

A lot of people don’t know this about me because it isn’t true but I’m a poet. Here’s some of my new work. They will be featured in “The Stem and the Cum Quarterly” as well as “Crow Mother International” and “Sports Illustrated”.



Roses are red

Violets are blue

Give me back my fucking daughter.


You said I was a dick or a prick

or one of those ick words

and I should apologize to your roommate

The dumb bag of tits

What? Am I supposed to apologize to the toilet every time I shit?

It’s a toilet

What I mean to say is

Your roommate is a toilet


Too bored to think

too bored to stink

too bored to not be racist, ya chink

too tired to write

too tired to fight

too tired to go and do butt stuff in the night

too dead to do

too dead to be

too dead to lap up a young child’s pee

that’s all I’ve got, guys.


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