How To Cope With Unsympathetic Shitheads While Simultaneously Getting Punched In The Face By God

Sometimes life’s kafkaesque bullshit becomes unbearably droll to a painful degree.

It’s difficult to get things done when you have to swim through a sea of invisible dragon intestines to accomplish anything within any kind of organized system.

Obvious examples would be the DMV, the post office, schools and universities, etc. But sometimes well-trusted systems fail in harmful and unexpected ways.

I got an upper respiratory infection over Christmas and felt like a pile of still-eroding sand. Every time I tried to speak I would sound like Harvey Fierstein and Tom Waits had a baby who was now gargling with salt.

I had gone to the pharmacy to pick up antibiotics and then slumped back into my ill stupor of hate and decay. There were 8 pills. I took one a day. By the 9th day I was still sick. In fact, I was worse. I felt like a slinky made of meat, rolling around in a sandbox.

The following day (two days after I had finished the full dose of pills) I received a call from my pharmacy:

“Mr. Nulman, have you taken the full dose of the antibiotics we gave you?”


“Yeah, so, it turns out that you were given the wrong pills.”

“Um…. what?”

“Yeah, somebody accidentally switched your medication with someone else’s.”

“What have I been taking?”


STEROIDS. I was given steroids instead of antibiotics and yet hadn’t grown one muscle. On top of still feeling like a lumpy heap of garbage under a sun lamp, I had just basically been farted on.

After I had finally gotten better and was no longer hallucinating about demon vaginas queefing on my fragile, gay body in the night, I had come to the realization that my boyfriend, who was home for the holidays the entire time, had no longer wished to be in a relationship with me but decided to go the high school route and instead of telling me, just stopped talking to me.

My spirit had been broken, my singing voice diminished, and my trust for organizations, corporations, and just other people in general had now diminished to an almost non existent point.



2 Comments on “How To Cope With Unsympathetic Shitheads While Simultaneously Getting Punched In The Face By God”

  1. Anonymous says:

    very cool

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